Ten ways to move on after a divorce


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Home \| Society Ten ways to move on after a divorce By: James Walsh, Posted on: 2007-04-02 Reading self help guides are like a routine duty, therefore very few seriously embark on a soul-searching mission based on it. We brush our teeth everyday, and still get cavities. Then a cursory brushing won’t do, special care is needed for damaged teeth. Similarly, post-divorce, one needs to brush the insides of the mind with a special brush that will go beyond just cleaning – it has to heal. Let’s take a look at the ways you can heal yourself. Open Up There is no need to suppress your emotions. You have been hurt, and you have the right to grieve in peace. So cry those bucket loads, howl your anger, break crockery, tear photo albums. Do everything you see in those mushy movies. Wear your oldest and worst clothes. Just don’t take it out on others. While you have the freedom to grieve, a divorce does not authorize you to spy on your spouse’s present life, scream at the kids or your parents. Let them know that you are not yourself, and you can’t help it, but do not take it out on them. It’s the worst idea you have ever had, and the one to come out most battered would be you. Let Go But how would you ‘get over it’ without calling her up in the dead of the night, or sending a hate-mail to his present girlfriend? This is where a ‘ritual’ comes in. After all, human beings have devised rituals to mark every important beginning and end in life like marriage ceremonies, funeral rites, birthdays, the last bachelor party. Divorce is also a symbolic end to a chapter. For some, it is putting that final signature on the legal document, for another it may be burning old letters and greeting cards. You have to find your way of emphasizing that final moment. And after you let go of your marriage, you will notice that the world is still rotating. Keep the memories, but don’t cling on to dead wood. Stop the Blame Game This is by far the hardest thing to do. It takes away the escapism forever. Stop blaming yourself, your ex, children, parents, society, money and God. No one has divorce in mind when they get married – none of you did either. There is no need to look for an excuse. It had to be done; otherwise life would have been much more unbearable. Regularize Your Life This tip is simple to write and tough to follow. Eat, sleep, and live normally. UK is reeling under post marital health irregularities and drug abuse. You still have a life to live, and no, everything is not over yet. Reconnect With the Outside World Shying away from your friends and near ones forever won’t help you to cope with it. Once you have finished with the ritual of letting go, it’s time to get back to your old life. Listen to music, watch movies, chat, go partying. Many take up a frantic cycle of dating to ‘overcome’ the emptiness. It mostly flops. Just start doing all that you used to do, in the way you used to. You had a life before marriage, and you still do. Stop Dividing All Your Belongings It’s normal to divide everything according to ‘yours’ and ‘mine’ – but do try to draw the line after property and finances are done. The kids belong to both, even if you have complete custody, they will still have memories that can’t be deleted overnight. Dividing your friends into distinct groups is also a bad idea, unless they are hostile or overbearing themselves. A movie is not bad just because she liked it, and don’t criticise a song because he used to hum it. The rest of the world can’t be categorised according to your divorce documents. Seek Therapy Therapy is needed for everyone who has undergone a divorce. A counselor might help as much as a fitness schedule, part time job, or taking up painting. Find what eases the pain, and just do it. Therapy works only if it’s constructive, so chain smoking or rash driving is not the answer, they are escape routes to nowhere. Get Organized It’s ok to let things pile up while you are grieving. Once again, with the end of the ritual, you have to clean up the house and return to work. Try fixing a schedule with daily deadlines, it helps to bring back the focus. There are numerous examples of people who had better careers post-divorce, and maybe you could be one too. Reach Out to Others Going Through a Divorce Helping others to get over a similar trauma might be a healing process. It needs introspection and involvement, and you could do with both. You can try to help your children, other divorcees, or even your ex. It can fill that big gap in your heart. Keep an Open Mind While it’s not advisable to become a serial blind dater, keep yourself open to possibilities of another relationship. No one can guarantee that you won’t be hurt. But it’s worth it, always. Don’t let yourself become a recluse for the fear of heart break. After all, marriages may die, but there are always new beginnings. However much of advice that divorced couples may receive from friends and divorce professionals, it is finally up to the concerned persons to change their lives. A little determination will take them a long way in beginning life anew. Article Source: http://www.allthebestarticles.com For more information on using online resources to solicit a Divorce see www.quickie-divorce.com Please Rate this Article Not yet Rated Click the XML Icon Above to Receive Society Articles Via RSS! Additional Articles From - Home \| Society The Best Psychic Authors In The World - By : Charlie Reese Divorcing: Protecting Your Finances And Keep Positive - By : Alson Maseko How to Spread Gods Word and Why - By : Francis Hirak Finding Lingerie To Suit You - By : Mark Macy Stop Whaling - By : Michael Kelly-Gleeson Pulled Over For A DUI? Breathalyzers Aren't Perfectly Accurate - By : Jim Roberts Are Psychics Real? - By : Frederick Gimino Where to Purchase Sexy Plus Size Halloween Costumes - By : Susan West..... 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